4/24/2016
In the vision of the tree of life Lehi sees several groups of people. One group finds their way to the rod of iron and begins their journey towards the tree but when a mist of darkness begins to hinder their way they are lost because they let go. Another group finds their way through the mist and partake of the fruit but become ashamed immediately and after wandered away and were also lost. Then it speaks of a group that find their way and strive continuously to hold to the rod of iron and when they reached the tree, "they fell and partook of the fruit". I never noticed the word fell before and it caught my eye as I studied. They were so weary that they fell, so tired they could not stand but they stayed the course and endured to the end. May we too despite the hardships we face hold to the rod as tightly as they did.
https://www.ldsliving.com/Elder-Holland-Shares-the-Powerful-Rebuke-He-Received-While-with-His-Dying-Father-on-Christmas-Eve/s/87225?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=Social&utm_campaign=ctr
9/4/2016
As I sat in sacrament meeting today listening to all the testimonies, I thought to myself "the brighter the testimony, the hotter the fire". We are such imperfect beings and will fall short again and again. What makes you different and stronger is that you get up, dust yourself off and get right back in the fire. The refiner's fire. Through this process you learn more and more, little by little, until you come out as refined as the Lord would have you be. The saying be careful what you pray for is so true. If you ask for patience, how would you know what patience is if you aren't put into a situation in which to exercise it? Has anyone prayed that their day would go well and then proceed to have the worst day ever? If we go through life expecting things to be easy or that somehow because you have faith your life will be a bed of roses with no thorns or weeds, you will never progress. When the storms of life come you will baulk. You will stumble. You will toss your hands up in defiance and cry out are you not there? How could you let this happen? Or worst yet, I hate you. We are not perfect but through our faith can be made perfect through Christ but how do we expect perfection to come? It will not be wrapped up in an unscuffed box with a pretty little bow on your doorstep one day. It will look more like a box sent through the post office 5 days late because it got caught in the conveyor belt. The way is straight and narrow but few there be that find it. There's a post I did about several groups who tried to find their way to the tree of life and the first groups lost their way but the last held firm, firm through all adversity ignoring all who mocked them, to finally fall down and partake of the fruit of the tree. We live in such hard times. Times where we must choose the harder right over the easier wrong. It's hard, I understand. The lines have been so blurred and our hearts and minds confused. I say stand. Stand up! Stand firm! Hold to the truth! Hold onto to what you know. If you've fallen, get up! His hand is still there. His love is there. Let Him be your teacher, have faith and trust in the process. You can do it, you can make it.
9/22/2016
I have been through all the emotions of one who has not been blessed to carry a child. I've cried many tears, been bitter, angry, feeling broken, incomplete and forgotten. Then I finally do get pregnant and I have to make the heart breaking but necessary decision to end it. Despite that, however, I am truly in a good place now. I haven't been bitter or angry in many years and I certainly wasn't when we had to terminate the pregnancy. I was just sad. I want to be honest and say that although coming from a good place, sympathy is not wanted, guilt for having children is certainly not wanted, stepping on eggshells isn't wanted, advice on how to get pregnant isn't wanted (I know how it works) and suggesting adoption isn't wanted. I know we can but we haven't reached that point nor exhausted all options yet. What is wanted? A small prayer for us, that as we embark next year on truly exhausting those options that it will result in a child or children for us and know that even if it doesn't that we'll be ok. I am blessed. I know that God is aware of me, my pregnancy, albeit short, confirmed that to me and I know I certainly have not been forgotten. In the meantime, while I wait on the special one or ones that are being made for me, I have the wonderful opportunity to love 4 beautiful children and treat them as though they were my own and to feel even but for a moment that I am a mother in some small way and we have beautiful nieces and nephews that we love from a far. I know there are those who do keep us in their prayers and it's appreciated, they will certainly be needed in the coming years. I probably won't post that much about it but I saw this blog entry and it touched me and I had to share.
https://barrentobeautiful.com/2016/09/21/why-god-took-so-long-to-give-me-a-baby/
