a public recounting of conversion

On a recent road trip, my husband and I discussed many things. One of which was my increasing struggles with feeling more and more negativity against those who leave the church and then turn around and disparage, not only members but church leaders. Especially those who are "famous" and who had once used their public platforms to share their testimonies only to then fall away and begin to take on the mindset of the mortal limited perspective. They begin to call for change within the church, stating that the Leaders are out of touch and need to change their beliefs to fit the world's ideals of what should be accepted and what shouldn't. 

Try as I might, I always find myself in the comment section of religious posts. Though the posts themselves can be great and seemingly innocuous, there is always someone that has something negative to say. I may even start to write out a response to that person only to delete it because I feel there's no point in trying to convince you of the truth when you have already hardened yourself against it. I would be wasting my energy but then I obsess over it the rest of the day and it continues to occupy my energy regardless.

When I speak of those "famous" people I imagine in the beginning that they prayed for Heavenly guidance and interference. Maybe even promising that they would use their public platforms to spread the gospel and then once those prayers have been answered proceed to throw the church and their membership under the proverbial bus.

There is one person in particular that I am thinking of. I was never a fan and I always find it strange when members fangirl/boy over any individual in the church but I digress. He recently came out of the closet. Now, I really don't care that he's gay or whatever he has come out as. I think we can all agree that we knew something was up in that arena.

That being said, I attended my one and only Time Out For Women years ago, where he happened to be a guest speaker. He told us a story about how he was awakened in the middle of the night with a tune in his head and that it happened several times throughout the night until finally he sat at the piano and wrote it and knew without a shadow of a doubt it was from the Lord. So, of course, he graciously sang it for us and even called it a sneak peek of his new album that he just so happened to have waiting for us in the lobby and at a discounted price. How magnanimous. 

Did he lie? Was it all BS?

I recently came across another post from him. I was looking at the feed of another creator and this person was tagged in one of his videos. It was titled, playing my new song for my friends or something to that effect. Before playing this song he mentioned that when he came out his mother didn't talk to him for a few days and he thought it was because she was upset but once they did speak she said she was stepping away from the church too. Wow. How supportive, how loving, right?

Anyway, I share that not because HE upsets me but it's what he represents that does like all the other ex-members who find solace in the reciprocating voices of dissent and believe themselves right.

How do you combat this? How do you share your testimony of the gospel with them? How do you not cross the line between support and condoning because the world thinks these things are synonymous?

I just have such a strong testimony of Christ that I can't imagine ever leaving or denying it.

The Lord says: "...for unto such shall ye continue to minister; for ye know not but what they will return and repent, and come unto me with full purpose of heart, and I shall heal them; and ye shall be the means of bringing salvation unto them." 3 Nephi 18:32

His hand is stretched out still but I feel mine recoiling. How does He love them unconditionally when they continue to crucify him anew? How can I? What must I do to change my perspective and reach out in pure love even if they spit at my feet? How do I have grace and compassion for those who know better and yet still turn away?

I have friends and family who have left the church and it makes me sad but I still love them and wish they would come back. I still love them because I know them. I suppose I have answered my own question of 'how does He love them?'. It's because he knows them. He knows them better than they know themselves. He suffered for them the same as me. 

Still, how do you not get frustrated? How do you become a defender of the faith and of Christ without contention?

My patriarchal blessing states that I will have the pure love of my Savior in my heart but clearly, I am not there yet. I do pray for Charity but I have not sought it sincerely and diligently but I know I need to because I fear my own soul is in jeopardy if I don't.

to describe the shutting out of light

In Lehi's vision of the Tree of Life, he saw many things. To name a few he sees of course a Tree, a path, a rod of iron, and a large and spacious building. He also sees what he describes as a mist of darkness that rose along the path to the tree.

23 And it came to pass that there arose a mist of darkness; yea, even an exceedingly great mist of darkness, insomuch that they who had commenced in the path did lose their way, that they wandered off and were lost.

He spoke of another group who grabbed hold of the rod of iron.

24 And it came to pass that I beheld others pressing forward, and they came forth and caught hold of the end of the rod of iron; and they did press forward through the mist of darkness, clinging to the rod of iron, even until they did come forth and partake of the fruit of the tree.

This group caught hold of the rod, clinging to it he says, and pressed forward through the darkness and partook of the fruit. Unfortunately, after partaking they became ashamed after the people in the great and spacious building began to mock them. However, he says this of the next group:

30 ...(I) saw other multitudes pressing forward and they came and caught hold of the end of the rod of iron; and they did press their way forward, continually holding fast to the rod of iron, until they came forth and fell down and partook of the fruit of the tree.

This last group held fast and was so exhausted that they fell down after their journey and partook of the fruit at last. The joy that must have filled their hearts, their very souls.

We find out later that the rod of iron represents the Word of God. The mist of darkness represents the temptations that blind the eyes and hardens the hearts of men. Another way one can look at it is anything that darkens our path, that blinds us to the Tree, our destination.

Those 3 groups all saw the Tree. The Tree that was the most beautiful and whose fruit was so desirable that they all commenced towards it but the first group never took hold of the rod and once the mist of darkness arose, they were lost, possibly trying to find another path to the tree but there is only one.

I have always held on more tightly during times of darkness to that rod. I have had to hold on much more tightly this time around, so much so that my hands or should I say my spirit may have some symbolic blisters. 

Today was a fast and testimony meeting. As I listened to the testimonies given, I began to think about the mist of darkness and how it relates to my grief. I felt that I had been walking through a dense fog, not being able to feel the spirit as strongly, my spiritual ability feeling numbed. I simply did not have the capacity.

I wrote this over the course of a year and a half since my mother's passing.

I feel I am standing still, my back to an endless abyss.

It is tied to me. It beckons me to look, its emptiness breathing down my neck.

I am afraid. Afraid that all I will find is nothing. Still, I struggle to move.

What if I venture in and never come back out?

A soul lost to the bitter cavern of sorrow.

How do I rid myself of this unending pit in my stomach?

How do I stop the aching beats of my heart?

Is it enough to close my eyes and breathe?

Do I simply count down until it doesn’t hurt anymore?

What if it never ends?

The world moves on around me but all I can do is shake my head and sigh.

I am exhausted, as though I’ve lived a thousand lifetimes.

All that is real, all that is tangible, is that my mother is gone.

I can ask a million times, “Why?” knowing no satisfying answer will come.

My spirit feels stretched thin.

Was I naïve to think, “If I can handle this, I can handle anything”?

I am left alone with memories I do not want.

Regrets that linger waiting in the dark to torture me.

What do I desire and also fear? Healing and peace.

Both can be undone in a blink of an eye.

Time will surely pass and the pieces will fall back into place.

But time seems a sadistic tool; while it can strengthen it can also destroy.

Grief and time are inseparably connected.

Like a harsh wind that downs a towering tree, it also strengthens a sapling.

But which am I?

Do I brace myself against the wind?

Do I walk through the darkness with grief as my guide?

No matter how much I wish to flee, I know I must go forward.

I know this is where the journey to healing begins-

through the dark.

The fog is beginning to lift. I am beginning to see more clearly but even in the darkest part of my grief, when I felt I couldn't breathe, when I feared this time there was no end, I held on to what I knew; that the tree is always there. The tree will never move and it will shine that much more brightly once I could see it again but I had to hold on and I had to keep moving forward. 

I couldn't let go, I couldn't stand still and I couldn't go backward.

Not Present

So much has happened since the last time I posted.

I lost my mother in July of 2021. We were in the process of remodeling when my mother passed and it was the weekend of my mother's memorial service that our home sold. The first showing was the day we left for the service, and it was sold before we returned.

I lost a year of my life to grief. I feel like my mind has been in a fog that I am only now coming out of. We split the year between our moving and final destination switching between my dad and my in-laws. I remember it all but it feels like a dream, another lifetime. That year was supposed to be a time to spend with family but instead, I was organizing and cleaning out my mother's things.

I truly felt alone during that time. I still do. I am left with incredible guilt weighing upon me. 

Several months before my mother passed away, I was stressed with all I was doing with my home to get it ready to sell. My friend insisted I join her at the beach; we settled for July 11th-17th. Come to find out, my sister had planned a trip to visit my parents that same weekend. The plan was that I would get there Thursday and leave Sunday. I told my friend, "Nothing will keep me from going to the beach." 

How I wish I had never said these words.

The fateful events that set things in motion haunt me. My mother and father had the coronavirus over Christmas of 2020. My mother had a rare reaction and was admitted to the hospital with covid dementia. She refused to stay at the hospital and insisted she return home. It was a weird time. She barely remembered anything but something telling her she shouldn't stay there. She was never quite the same after that. She and my father began to remodel both bathrooms, she started to get rid of things so we wouldn't have to "clean up her junk", and insisted that we not come and visit during this time. I really couldn't due to our own remodeling. She began having pains, and stomach problems and became weaker and weaker during those months. 

When she would complain, I would give suggestions. One of those suggestions included having a scope of her GI tract. I honestly thought it was stomach cancer or something. I grew increasingly frustrated because she wouldn't listen to me. I found out later at the service that she had said I was bossy. It was supposed to be a funny story but I felt anger. Perhaps this wouldn't have happened if she would have listened to me. Anyway, I had a passing thought that one day she was just going to start throwing up blood, and by then, it would be too late.

July 2021 

My husband and I headed over to my parents for our visit on July 8th. On the way, the sunset was like one I had never seen before. I have pictures but they don't do it justice. I kept going on about how it looked to my husband when I just had this feeling, "You're not going to the beach."

One of the things I inherited from my mother was her intuition. I can't tell you the number of passing thoughts I've had that come to fruition. Sometimes I really hate it.

I was going to keep it to myself, but  I couldn't and told my husband, "I don't think I'm going to the beach." He looked at me and asked me what I meant. I told him that I wasn't sure whether it meant that something was going to happen to me or my friend or whether something was going to happen to prevent me from going. It was just a feeling.

I know now that it should have been interpreted as "Don't go to the beach."

We arrived Thursday night, and the next day I felt so strange. Like I was walking through jello. It felt heavy. I felt like I should stay close to my mother. She was having pain, so I gave her a little massage. I showed her stretching and strengthening exercises. I can't fight the thought that maybe I had done something to cause what happened.

She took her medication. I remember looking at it and thinking, I don't think she should be taking these the way she said she takes them. My father gave her Aleve for the pain, which is terrible if you have stomach issues. I even informed them that she needed to be careful but I was brushed off and told, "It's fine". I had no idea how long or what she had been taking which I believe contributed to her issues.

She wasn't herself that entire day. My sister and I went to Walmart to look for pool toys and floats. I felt like telling her what I felt and asking if she felt anything, but I didn't.

We came back and blew up the floats. My sister took the kids out to play in the pool. My father and husband joined them, but again, I felt I needed to be close to my mom.

I went outside briefly, and my mother joined us. She sat next to me and put her head on my shoulder. I don't remember what we talked about but I do remember her saying how she didn't want to grow too old, to be put in a home. 

She would say things like that. Things like "I wish the Lord would take me." "If it's my time, why doesn't he just take me?"

We went back inside and she fell asleep on the recliner. I gave her some M&M's to try and cheer her up. She got up and went to the bathroom and then came back and sat down on the couch. She was very quiet. I wonder if she felt it too but didn't know what to say or how to say it. I asked her if she was ok and she said she didn't feel good. I went outside but told her that I'd be right outside the door and to call me if she needed me.

While chatting with my sister I heard my name and walked back in to find that my mother had thrown up and that it was blood. I panicked, I didn't know what to do. I went out and tried to get my dad to come in but him being him made me say it out loud in front of everyone. I didn't want the kids to hear and get scared. 

She had an ulcer that ruptured one of the walls of her stomach and a vein which is where all the blood was coming from. I called her family to let them know what was going on and to pray. I tried to be stalwart. Before she left in the ambulance she asked if she would die. I replied that I didn't know. Was that the right thing to say?

I mentioned to my dad, sister, husband, and my friend that I felt like I wasn't going to go to the beach but they told me that I should go. There was nothing that I could do if I stayed. Perhaps, I was hoping they would tell me to go, the excuse to be selfish, and ignore the prompting that told me to stay. 

I spent the night with my mom at the hospital Saturday and left Sunday and before I left my mother signed to me that she loved me to the moon and back.

Needless to say, my time spent at the beach wasn't fun. I was constantly on the phone trying to get updates. It seemed things were improving. The breathing tube was removed and she could talk some. I spoke to her on the phone but it was only a hello. By Tuesday my dad felt like he could go home. They told him that they were going to try and get her up and moving the next day so he left. I mean if they were going to try and get her moving and moved from the ICU things have to be improving, right?

It was that night that things took a turn for the worse. He came back the next day and found her in a different state of mind. That night one of her medications for her blood pressure ran out and it tanked. When they finally came in to check on her, she was hard to wake up but they were able to finally rouse her. I don't know if that was the truth though. They had also been unable to get the doctor who did the surgery to respond to them because they needed him to sign off on something. I suspected they believed there was still bleeding and that was why she wasn't improving like they thought she would. Again I have no proof of what actually happened because there are no nurses' notes regarding the incident that happened that night or anything that happened when she became combative.

She was belligerent, yelling at the nurses and my dad. Accusing him of sleeping with the nurse and he became frustrated at her and yelled at her not thinking she was not in her right mind. This could also have been something called terminal agitation. When someone is at the end of their life their personalities change, and they become, well, increasingly agitated. It could also have been ICU dementia, which can also happen in older patients. I don't know.

My dad called me that day and had me talk to my mom because she was insisting she be let go so she could return home. When I spoke to her, she said, "I need you to listen, I need to go home, I need to be surrounded by the things that I love". I asked her if she could wait until I returned so I could be there to facilitate her return home and she asked why and I said that I wasn't there and wouldn't be able to come back until Saturday. Really I thought it was the same episodes she was having when she was in the hospital last time and surely if we could keep her there she would have a better chance to recover. Right?

That was the last time I spoke to my mother. She was telling me then that she wasn't long for this world and just wanted to be home but I wasn't listening. I was holding on to the hope that if she just stayed at the hospital she would get better. She had developed sepsis and they were trying to keep her temperature down and had her on antibiotics. She needed her blood pressure medications etc. If she left now, she wouldn't survive, at least that's what they were telling us.

Due to her not responding well to my father's presence, he was told that he needed to not be there. I told him it might be better if it was causing her stress. Something I regret telling him. He should have been there regardless. They gave her something called Haldol to calm her down. I don't know what that did to her.

So now my mother was alone. My sister had to return to her home. My dad was not there and I was at the stupid beach. I should have left. 

Why didn't I insist that we return?

I called my uncle and aunt and they said they would fly out and stay with her. She was talking to them but she was still so out of it and saying things that they probably would never tell me.

I honestly believe she felt we abandoned her. She had no one. She would never have done that to any one of us. She would have stayed by our side. In her last waking moments on this earth, she was alone believing her family had abandoned her. I can only pray that she knew I was there in the end.

By Friday she was no longer conscious. I had been praying and fasting to know what was to happen to my mother. It was early Friday morning that I got my answer only I didn't know it or I didn't want to believe it.

She had stopped responding to the things the nurses asked her to do like squeezing their hands or opening her eyes. Since the dialysis had stopped working they put her on a kidney bypass machine but people couldn't stay with her once that happened.

My dad and I met with the hospice nurse on Sunday with my sister on speakerphone. We thought, at least what my dad told me, was that it was a meeting with the hospice nurse to discuss her going home but what it really was, was to discuss end-of-life. We had to make a decision on when to take her off the breathing machine. We decided on Monday but she had other plans. I will say though, that my mother did as I asked, she waited until I returned.

When we returned home from the meeting I realized I left my glasses there. My friend and I returned to get them. I don't believe I left there by accident.

When I arrived they told me that there was someone already up there and only 2 people were allowed. So I went up and saw that it was my mother's dear friend. We talked for a bit and I was going to let her have some alone time with my mom when I saw that there was blood pooling by my mom's mouth and called the nurse. They sent us outside and I remember listening to what the nurses were saying and I told my mom's friend that something was happening and I needed to call my dad and my sister.

I told my sister that I didn't think she was going to make it and so she got a flight to come that night. While she was at the airport on speakerphone, with me holding my mother's hand, my mother left us.

Those moments, everything about that time are etched in my brain. I don't think that I will ever not feel this tremendous guilt in my heart. The regret that I feel. The many pleas for forgiveness from her and how I hope she did not feel what I fear she felt.

I hope she knows how much I miss her. I hope she knows how much I still need her. I hope she forgives me.

I hate the guilt I feel. I hate the regret I feel. I hate that it happened. I hate that I ignored what I knew I should do. I hate this weight upon me. The weight of responsibility. I feel responsible for my dad. Months before she died she told me if she died that I needed to watch my dad. I can't say I'm doing that great of a job. Was it right that she put that on my shoulders?

The only thing I can do is rely on those moments that I know were promptings, answers, and comfort from the spirit.

How I wish I could turn back time. How I wish I could look back and not have any regrets. However, there is no magic wand. There is only moving forward and hoping to not make the same mistakes again. To be there when I am needed the most.

Who Hath ears to hear, let him hear

In section 1 of the Doctrine and Covenants, the preface from the Lord himself regarding this book of commandments, something struck me differently about the following verses:

2 For verily the voice of the Lord is unto all men, and there is none to escape; and there is no eye that shall not see, neither ear that shall not hear, neither heart that shall not be penetrated. [speaking of the 2nd coming when every knee shall bow and every tongue confess that Jesus is the Christ]

4 And the voice of warning shall be unto all people, by the mouths of my disciples, whom I have chosen in these last days.

11 Wherefore the voice of the Lord is unto the ends of the earth, that all that will hear may hear:

12 Prepare ye, prepare ye for that which is to come, for the Lord is nigh;

13 And the anger of the Lord is kindled, and his sword is bathed in heaven, and it shall fall upon the inhabitants of the earth.

14 And the arm of the Lord shall be revealed; and the day cometh that they who will not hear the voice of the Lord, neither the voice of his servants, neither give heed to the words of the prophets and apostles, shall be cut off from among the people;

15 For they have strayed from mine ordinances, and have broken mine everlasting covenant;

16 They seek not the Lord to establish his righteousness, but every man walketh in his own way, and after the image of his own god, whose image is in the likeness of the world, and whose substance is that of an idol, which waxeth old and shall perish in Babylon, even Babylon the great, which shall fall.

34 And again, verily I say unto you, O inhabitants of the earth: I the Lord am willing to make these things known unto all flesh;

35 For I am no respecter of persons, and will that all men shall know that the day speedily cometh; the hour is not yet, but is nigh at hand, when peace shall be taken from the earth, and the devil shall have power over his own dominion.

36 And also the Lord shall have power over his saints, and shall reign in their midst, and shall come down in judgment upon Idumea, or the world.

38 ...whether by mine own voice or by the voice of my servants, it is the same.

The Lord can only have power over his saints when they are willing to hear His voice.

The #HearHim campaign that begun in the beginning of 2020 is, as I came to realize just this week, more than just a campaign. You can view the video at the top of my blog. The year 2020 marked 200 years since Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ appeared to Joseph Smith to usher in the last dispensation of the fullness of times. The LAST time that the gospel would be poured out upon the earth before the 2nd coming of the Savior. The promised restoration of the true and full gospel of Jesus Christ. 

Even in President Nelson's talk in the April 2019 conference, he tells us plainly:

“I plead with you who have distanced yourselves from the Church and with you who have not yet really sought to know that the Savior’s Church has been restored. Do the spiritual work to find out for yourselves, and please do it now. Time is running out.” —President Russell M. Nelson

The plea for us to hear Him is a warning to prepare for that which is to come. We need to be able to recognize the voice of the Lord more readily; to hear that which is unspoken during conference talks, scripture study and lessons that only the spirit can enlighten our minds to.

In Matthew Chp 13, his disciples ask Jesus why he spoke in parables, His answer?

11 Because it is given unto you to know the mysteries of the kingdom of heaven, but to them it is not given.

12 For whosoever hath, to him shall be given, and he shall have more abundance: but whosoever hath not, from him shall be taken away even that he hath.

13 Therefore speak I to them in parables: because they seeing see not; and hearing they hear not, neither do they understand.

Revelation 2 

17 He that hath an ear, let him hear what the Spirit saith unto the churches...

It is those who strive to hear that spirit that will receive more abundantly. The Lord time and time again has told us if we but seek we will receive, if we knock it will be opened unto us and He is willing to reveal ALL His mysteries if we but ask and are faithful enough.

When President Nelson said what he said to us in April 2019, do you know how many social media posts I saw regarding that profound statement? One. Nothing of the most IMPORTANT thing he said. Time is running out. How much more succinct can you be? You don't need the spirit to get that one and yet did anyone hear it?

There is also something else that has been bothering me. I see so many posts regarding the love that Jesus Christ has for us and you don't have to be perfect for God to love you and yet I have seen not one post regarding the love we should have for Him.

15 ¶ If ye love me, keep my commandments. (John 14)

There should be no question that the Lord loves us. He has said, "I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands...". He suffered immeasurable pain and was crucified for us so that we would not have to suffer for our own sins IF we repent and come unto Him. Why? Because He loves us and His Father who loves us. 

16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

Does that sound like one whose love is variable?

If we truly loved Him, each one of us would be striving to loyally and faithfully follow Him. We would keep our feet firmly planted and not be swayed. Our eyes would see and our ears would hear. We would have wisdom and discernment to see through the world's bull. We would recognize Satan's influence and deny Him. We would have love one to another because He first loved us.

Yet, too many of us walk away even after experiencing such wonderful marvelous things.

66 From that time many of his disciples went back, and walked no more with him.
67 Then said Jesus unto the twelve, Will ye also go away? (John 6)

If you're on your way out, turn around before it's too late. Love Him. Hear Him. Follow Him. Don't leave the One who would never leave you.

We are in the fourth quarter and the clock is ticking down.

Stand up! Enough is Enough!

 06/20/2015 Previous Facebook post

I do not want negativity in my life anymore. I am sad. I am sad for the fear I feel in my heart. I am sad for the end result all this behavior will bring. I want to be optimistic. I want to see through the clouds of error and anger that seem so much more prevalent today than they were even a few years ago. I want to believe that there is still good in the world, that people still exercise good and righteous judgment. I need to know that people are still full of wisdom, that the majority seek out truth before they mete out justice. I don't want to read comments or articles that promote nothing more than the what about me syndrome. I don't want to be around people who see nothing more than themselves and their own problems yet do not seek for a solution. You drain me. You drain my happiness. No more. I choose to see the good in my life despite hardships. I choose to see the good that comes out of tragedy without yielding to popular demand to rise up in hate and revenge and post things that promote the same. I choose to see the sun through the clouds. I choose to be better, to do better, to build upon faith and good works. I hope those of us who are just as tired will rise up and spread the good. We are taught to let our lights shine, let us do that. Help each other. Love one another. Serve one another. Do not let fear or anger divide us. A house divided will fall.

Please read the whole article as I've cut out a lot with excerpts below. If you have the time, of course.
---------------------------------
The Spirit of Optimism

”…I see so many good people everywhere—and there’s so much of good in them. And the world is good. We have every reason to be optimistic in this world. Tragedy is around, yes. Problems everywhere, yes. … You can’t, you don’t, build out of pessimism or cynicism. You look with optimism, work with faith, and things happen.

… notwithstanding the reformation we see in the lives of many people, we are prone to emphasize the problems and disregard the progress.

…I have little doubt that many of us are troubled with fears concerning ourselves. We are in a period of stress across the world. There are occasionally hard days for each of us. Do not despair. Do not give up. Look for the sunlight through the clouds.

…Of course there are times of sorrow. Of course there are hours of concern and anxiety. We all worry. But the Lord has told us to lift our hearts and rejoice. I see so many people … who seem never to see the sunshine, but who constantly walk with storms under cloudy skies. Cultivate an attitude of happiness. Cultivate a spirit of optimism…

Let us not partake of the negative spirit so rife in our times. There is so much of the sweet and the decent and the beautiful to build upon…

In a dark and troubled hour the Lord said to those He loved: “Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid” (John 14:27).

…I am asking that we stop seeking out the storms and enjoy more fully the sunlight. I am suggesting that as we go through life we “accentuate the positive.” I am asking that we look a little deeper for the good, that we still voices of insult and sarcasm, that we more generously compliment virtue and effort. I am not asking that all criticism be silenced. Growth comes of correction. Strength comes of repentance. Wise is the man who can acknowledge mistakes pointed out by others and change his course.

What I am suggesting is that each of us turn from the negativism that so permeates our society and look for the remarkable good among those with whom we associate, that we speak of one another’s virtues more than we speak of one another’s faults, that optimism replace pessimism, that our faith exceed our fears. When I was a young man and was prone to speak critically, my father would say: “Cynics do not contribute, skeptics do not create, doubters do not achieve.

… Lift your eyes. Stand on your feet. Say a few words of appreciation and love to the Lord. Be positive … Nurture your testimonies. Walk in righteousness, and the Lord will bless you and prosper you, and you will be a happy and wonderful people.”